Insensitive

I know I'm kinda emo, but still, some people are just insensitive.. very insensitive.

A couple of days ago, a good old friend invited me to join a sing & dance competition ala Glee. This friend is a multi-awarded composer and musician and ever since I started performing, has been an amazing supporter. Though we seldom see each other, the mutual respect and admiration has always been there.

Excited about the invitation, I informed everyone involved in Kindred Hearts including the producer. He too was excited and we started planning. We started making a list of people we'll be selecting since the contest only allows 12 to 18 people in 1 group. I even suggested on having 2 groups from us so a lot would be able to experience it, but it seemed like he was keen on just having one group. While we were thinking of the people to include, he included my name. I told him not to replace my name with someone else more deserving, but since he also included his name as one of the performers, he insisted that I should also be performing. When I talked to my sister about it, she also said that I should perform with them, so I finally agreed.

The first schedule of rehearsals was today, the whole day. Since it's a Sunday, I had to sacrifice (again!) my time with my family. My wife wasn't very happy with it since I was also out the whole day yesterday for the Moon Walk, an activity where I was with the same group. I also had to (again) sacrifice my time with the Bisdaks, who needed my help so badly for one of Arnel Pineda's major projects. It was a major, major sacrifice but hey, it's for the group, right?

Call time was supposedly 8:30 AM but I wasn't able to leave early because I had to bond with my family before again leaving them and being gone the whole day. I went to the meeting place and waited for the others who were also late. We then walked towards the rehearsal venue, a social hall beside a parish. It was not that far, but it wasn't also near and it was so hot. We finally arrived and rested a bit. While I was lying down on the floor, the producer casually approached me and asked, "Is it okay for this girl to take your spot?" He asked that while the girl was already rehearsing and all. I had no choice. I couldn't have said No because that would have made me selfish and would hurt everyone. I said it was okay, and left the social hall. I went straight to the church beside the venue. Tears fell while I was talking to Him. I wasn't sad or disappointed because I got replaced by someone far more beautiful and talented. I was crying because I was not informed way before I got to make all those sacrifices. If the replacement was already there, that meant that the producer had already decided way before to replace me, he just didn't tell me sooner.

From the church, I went out of the compound and walked and walked and walked. It felt like my head has just been chopped off. No one noticed I was gone, or no one cared. Why would they, right?

Since I left the place where I was of no use, I decided to go to the Bisdaks meeting instead, and make up for the projects where they needed me and I wasn't there. I'm lucky they're very understanding and welcomed me back with open arms. Good thing we still have time to work on the project before the end of the month deadline.

The time I lost for my family is something I cannot get back anymore. That's the most painful thing in this experience. If the person was just sensitive enough, he could have informed me way before. Heck, when we first planned this, I don't even think he was sincere in saying (and insisting) that he wanted me to join. My sis, KC, even said that it's ironic that the one who was invited is the one that's not part of it after all.

How can I make it up to my family? By spending more time with them and no longer spending a lot of time with theatre, at least for now. Since I'm out of the contest, there won't be any rehearsals to attend to for the time being. I know no one's going to notice that I'm not with them during their bonding sessions because after all, I've always been invisible to them. Invisible and useless.