Realizations

Just when I thought that everything is coming into place, some harsh realizations has just sunk in.

Last Saturday, almost everyone didn't attend rehearsals and worst, only 2 was courteous enough to send a text message informing me that they couldn't attend because of various reasons. It was a total waste of time and money. Here I am, struggling to make both ends meet for my family, but always making sure I'm including the expenses during rehearsals in my really tight budget. All for the love of performing, theatre and for our group.

Then it occurred to me.

We've been rehearsing already for many Saturdays but until now, we still don't have a complete cast. And because there's no contract or anything involved, we can't demand time from the few people that we already have and most of them are busy.

In the past productions that we've had in the past 5 years, it was the love for performing that kept us together. The enthusiasm and the passion was there, and to think that almost everyone involved in our past productions were students. They were so good in time management because they didn't only give an amazing performance, they also finished their studies with honors. Our word was our commitment back then. And yes, it was enough.

Now that almost all are professionals, I saw their excitement when they first came, but it slowly disappeared. I know it's partly my fault, but what can I do? We need to start at the very beginning, learning each and every song, no matter how boring that is for them.

I am seriously thinking of postponing the production indefinitely, until we have a complete cast, and until we have people who are really excited and enthusiastic about performing. I have the whole week to think this over.

*sigh*