The Greatest Pain in Life

The greatest pain in life 

is not to die, but to be ignored. 

To lose the person you love so 

much to another who doesn't care at all. 

To have someone you care so about so much throw a party... 

and not tell you about it. 

When your favorite person on earth 

neglects to invite you to his graduation. 

To have people think that you don't care. 

The greatest pain in life, 

is not to die, but to be forgotten. 

To be left in the dust after another's great achievement. 

To never get a call from a friend, just saying "hi". 

When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face. 

For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits. 

When it seems like the only person who cares about you, 

is you. 

Life is full of pain, 

but does it ever get better? 

Will people ever care about each other, 

and make time for those who are in need? 

Each of us has a part to play 

in this great show we call life. 

Each of us has a duty to mankind 

to tell our friends we love them. 

If you do not care about your friends 

you will not be punished. 

You will simply be ignored... 

forgotten... 

as you have done to others. 

Back Again

My last post was two years, six months and two days ago.

So many things have happened.

I don't know until when I'll be writing here again, but hey, I'm back.

For now.

This was not planned, but staring at my monitor at the office, sick and tired, made me think of doing a sort of countdown or challenge, this time for my birthday.

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm not really big with my birthday.

I still am not.

But so many things have happened.

So many unexpected deaths.

Young, healthy people.

So much younger and healthier than me.

Realizations once again that you don't really know when your time is up in this world, so I have decided to make my birthday a little special starting this year.

*cue in drum roll*

Since today is October 31, I have 12 days to go before my birthday, so I will be doing the 12 Day Challenge: Countdown to my 35th Birthday. Haha :D

Day 07 - Someone who has made your life worth living for

My daughter.

This is the easiest question so far in this challenge. I can truly say that though I have done so many stupid things in my life, things that I am never proud of, I must have done something really good in His eyes because He gave me  a daughter who has everything I've asked for and more.

Sometimes

Sometimes..

we wish were better,

wish we were somewhere,

wish we had that something,

wish we did something else..

But sometimes..

We wish too much that we miss to enjoy who we are,

where we are,

and what we have...

Loner

Let me tell you this:

If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.

- Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper)

45 Lessons

This was forwarded to me by email. It makes sense that's why I'd like to share it. :)


Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come..
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Finding Our Voices

"Glee club will never be lost because you are Glee club, Mr. Schue"

That line from the season finale of Glee brought tears to my eyes, and brought back a lot of memories, good memories from my not-so-distant past, 6 years ago to be exact. I was still a college professor back then, and teaching in a state college (now a state university) where most of the students where from the middle and lower classes. My sister on other hand was college student in the most prestigious university in the city, and we both decided to form our own theatre company.

Our pioneer members then were my sister's classmates and friends, and my very own students. I can still remember the first few days of rehearsals when my students were packed in one corner of the room, heads down and not saying a single word. They were intimidated by the members from other schools, thinking that they were inferior compared to the rest. Most of them even wanted to quit.

As we did a lot of workshops and activities, they slowly came out from their shells and during performance night, they showed a lot of energy and promise, and performed their hearts out. They brought their newly-found confidence into their studies, and eventually, into their lives. During their graduation, I was surprised and deeply touched when they thanked me for giving them a chance to find their voices.

What they don't know is that in helping them find their voices, they've helped me find mine.

Hope and Dream

Day 29 of the 30 Day Challenge - Hopes, Dreams and Plans for the next 365 Days

My family and I will hopefully be visiting Hong Kong a couple of months from now to de-stress and get away from the pressures of work for a few days. If I'll be resigning from work before that trip, that means I have to look for another job when we get back. If I'll be allowed to go on that short vacation, then at least I would be able to go back to my job refreshed, and ready again to face the challenges that await me.

Speaking of work, I'm kinda hoping to find a higher paying job either here in the Philippines, or I'll be forced to look for one in another country. Leaving my family to work in a foreign land is something I don't want to do, but something I must do if I want a brighter future for us all. I need to do that so we can continue processing my wife's application for Australia. We started but we stopped since we ran out of funds. What we already paid (a really big amount already) will go to waste if we just go in another direction.

Also, since we've already started our informal rehearsals for our musical, I hope and pray that this will continue and that a few months from now, we may be able to successfully present this production. Even if it's sort of a hobby for us, it also entails a lot of hard work and sacrifices for everyone, but I'm sure it will all be worth it once we're already up there on stage.

I still have a lot of hopes and dreams this year, I will be talking about them in future posts.

A Blur

Day 28 of the 30 Day Challenge - This year, in Great Detail

Looking back since the new year started, it has all been a blur. As I enter the 75th day of 2010, I can say that it has been a rollercoaster ride so far. I've had some Up's and I've had some Down's, things that are keeping me on my toes and reminding me that life is not easy and I shouldn't be complacent.

This year, I've also had a lot of realizations, most especially about people, friends who proved themselves to be called such, as well as so-called friends who really were not. I've realized that being colleagues without being friends is possible. It's not something I want, but something others want.

Again, I can't describe my year in great detail, but I can say that it has been an interesting year so far. I'm happy that for all the things that happened, good or not-so-good, I have my family to go home to. They keep me grounded and remind me that despite what others think or say about me, life is still beautiful and I am still loved. Yes, I am not perfect, my life is not perfect, and my year is no where near perfect, but as long as I have my family and friends, real friends, I wouldn't trade this for anything else.

Waiting for April

Day 27 of the 30 Day Challenge - This Month, in Great Detail

Because of the issues in the office, this month has been Hell so far for me.

It has also been an uninteresting month so far. Stressful work during weekdays, and if not for my family, it would have also been boring weekends. There would have been a lot of things to do to make my weekends interesting if I just had extra budget. Sadly, I'm not earning as much as what I've been earning before and my salary is not even enough to pay for my daughter's tuition and other payables.

I can't wait for this month to end so I'll have a different shift. I would have wanted to submit my resignation letter last week, but decided to submit it around the end of this month with its effectivity by the end of April. At least, I'll be less stressed with my shift in April.

I know it wasn't in great detail, but then again, there's really nothing interesting to talk about.

Typical Week

Day 26 of the 30 Day Challenge - Your Week, in Great Detail

Mondays to Fridays, I am working 9 hours a day. The remaining 15 hours of each day, I make sure to spend with my family, do extra curricular activities and sleep. Before I was just contented with sleeping for an hour or two, but now as I'm getting older, I'm trying my best to get as much rest as I can. My body is willing, but my mind most of the time thinks that sleeping is a waste of time.

During weekends, I try to relax as much as I can to rest from the stress of work. Most of my weekends, I spend it with my family, usually having a DVD marathon. Because I am usually busy during weekdays, I try my very best to make it up to my family during weekends. Sometimes when there are rehearsals or bonding time with friends, I try my best to have it at home so I am still with my family while being with friends.

Gigs are also usually during weekends, but now that there are a lot of changes like churches not allowing any other songs (aside from religious ones) during weddings, my number of gigs have gone way down. There are a few gigs during weekdays, but most happen during weekends. If I have a weekend gig, I go straight home after to relax and be with my family.

Not really in great detail, but that's how my week goes most of the time. Yeah, I know it's boring but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

A Day in My Life

Day 25 of the 30 Day Challenge - Your Day, In Great Detail

I have a very boring life. It was not always like this. But ever since I decided to leave my stable academe job for the unstable BPO industry, my life became routinary, almost stagnant and uninteresting.

For this month, my shift is from 9:30 PM to 6:30 AM, so I am in the office at those times. I'm home at around 7:30 AM, and help my daughter prepare for school. I check my emails, facebook and twitter, then I usually vocalize before I hit the sack at around 2:00 PM. I wake up at 6:00 PM, eat dinner and catch up with the family. Around 8:00 PM, I prepare for work, and leave the house at around 9:00 PM.

During weekends, it's more on de-stressing and relaxation like theatre and singing rehearsals, and sometimes, a few gigs every now and then. If it's a boring weekend, bonding time with the family and DVD marathons make it interesting.

I Live and Believe

Day 5 of the 30 Day Challenge - Your Favorite Quote

I shall pass through this world but once.
If therefore, there be any goodness I can show,
or any good thing I can do, let me do it now
for I shall not pass this way again...

For the longest time, I've always lived by this quote. It's a very old quote dating back as early as 1859 with different authors attached to it, but until now it's still not known who really said it.

This has become like a motto for my life, to do all the good that I can, for all the people that I can, in all the ways that I can, while I still can.

Life is too short.

Hero of the Year

Congratulations
Efren Peñaflorida,
2009 CNN Hero of the Year!

Thank you for bringing honor
to our country.

Mabuhay ka, Kuya Ef!

New Start

Everything happened so fast. I'm still very emotional about everything that happened. Okay. Let me breath. In. Out. In. Out.

I'm kinda okay now.

Yesterday, when I was depressed that I will be losing my job, a blessing came. No, it was not from another company but from the same company I'm in now. I was asked if I'm interested to transfer to the other account immediately. Am I interested? Of course! I was even planning on resigning and finding another company. How happy I am to have a fresh start with the same company I've been with for more than a year.

And then it slowly sunk in. I will be leaving my team, my friends, people I spend 9.5 hours five days a week. Damn.

We will start our training tomorrow. I hope everything will be okay tomorrow.

To Err is Human

The past two days, I have signed two final written warnings and had a hearing last night with my immediate supervisor and two people from HR. My employment in this company is on the line. Another lapse on my part, one more failure in my quality scores would mean automatic termination. That's how harsh the penalty is.

Last night's shift was like the beginning of the end for me. I wish I have another job to go to so I can just leave this and move on. Two of my closest teammates already submitted their resignation letters and is on the final days of their career here. I have to work double time to find another career option fast so I too can submit my resignation letter. My other option is to my best in each and every call so I would not get a single markdown and therefore not jeopardize my job. The only problem is that I have to be perfect in my calls for a 12-week rolling period, meaning I am not allowed to commit a mistake in the next months or else, I would be terminated. Though it can be done, I don't think I can do it. I am only human.

Sunrise

We live in the mountains. We've been living here for more than a decade. It's not that far from the city but then again, it's not that easy to go somewhere from our place if you don't have any means of transportation. There are times when I would hate our place because of the inconveniences it would cause us. There are also times when I would love our place because of a lot of things like the serenity we have. Since we are far from the main road, we are far from pollution.

As I went home from work this morning, I just remembered one of the reasons why I love our place. I was able to remember because as I was walking in the empty street, it was staring at me in the face. I had to hurry home, get my camera and capture it.

Going home everyday with a view like that in the heavens makes everything worth it.

Extent versus Content

Life is not a matter of extent but content,

not so much of action but intention,

not so much of quantity but quality,

not so much of results but efforts.

Life is not a matter of power but character,

not a matter of popularity but personality,

not a matter of superiority but dignity,

not a matter of social celebrity

but moral integrity.

Life is not a matter of enjoying money

but enjoying harmony,

not just a question of ability

but responsibility,

not just a question of aptitude but attitude,

not just a question of magnitude

but gratitude.

In the final analysis, life is not matter

of "How much you have done"

but "How much you have loved."

Such is life!

Rainbow

On the way home this cold and wet early morning, I saw a beautiful rainbow that made me realize that despite everything, despite all the sadness and challenges in my life, life is still beautiful and there is still a brighter tomorrow waiting for me.

I don't bring my camera to work so I just used my phone to capture the beautiful moment.

Yes, la vita è bella.