Death of my Second Mother

My aunt was an amazing human being, one of the most generous persons on Earth! She was a Nurse, a Wife, a Mother. Joji, Jojie, Mary Jo, Mohing. To us, she was simply Tita (In)Day, my second Mother who loved me dearly, and we're blessed that she got to see my daughter grow up and was able to give her the same love before she went home to the Lord. She will forever be missed. ❤️

Finished My Letter for My Daughter

This virus really has made me so paranoid for the past 6 months, and the more so now that I am reporting to the office everyday from Monday to Friday. Instead of avoiding potential contact with people carrying the virus, our office decided that we should face it head on. Yes, there are measures taken like masks and face shields and alcohol and physical distancing, but still IT IS DAMN SCARY.

Speaking of scary and paranoia, I just finished making my letter for my daughter which I hope to read to her during her 18th birthday 4 months from now. If ever I won't be around by then, I made sure to (1) leave a copy of the letter somewhere where they can easily find it if I'm not around, and (2) I saved a copy of the letter here in my blog, scheduling it to be automatically published on January 6, 2021.

I don't want to die yet, and leave my daughter, but I will do my best to be prepared in case the inevitable happen. This virus has really changed everyone's lives, at the same time claiming a lot of lives in the process.

"If I die, let me die. Let him(her) live. 

Bring him(her) home.."

I Will Miss Our Ancestral Home

Growing up, I lived with my parents in the city while going to school. During weekends, I lived with my cousins in their house in another part of the city. During summer, I lived with my grandparents and grand aunts in the province.

As the years went by, I only got to go home to the province for special occasions. 

Now that my grandmother passed away recently, I don't anymore have any reason to go home except to visit the cemetery. Uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews still live in our ancestral home - well downstairs anyway - but now that my grand folks are all in Heaven, my visits to the province will become rarer.

Heal the World (Cover) by CTC

These quarantine days helped us take a step back, see the world with much light, and realize how big we can become. (wink emoji)

Amidst the COVID crisis, we find time to be together,joining hands to help heal the world.

From all of us at the Creative Thespians of Cebu, may you embrace positivity today moving forward, and know that better days are coming.

A Father First

My 2012 was a blur. Yes, it was a banner year for CTC and for me as a thespian and director, but other than that, it was a blur. I really was not able to achieve anything else and for that, I'm kinda disappointed. I'm also disappointed that in the 365 days that I was given, I was not able to give much of it to my family. I almost took my family for granted, and that is unacceptable. I was so hyped up with performing, and for what? My family is and will always be the most important thing for me, and I was not able to show them that in 2012.

I don't really make resolutions for the new year, and I will not be making one soon, but what I made when the new year started was a promise. A promise to myself that for this year that just started, I will make my family my priority, even if it means not being that active in theatre and music. My daughter is growing up so fast, I may not be able to know her anymore if I keep on prioritizing other things.

For 2013, I will be a father first. Everything else will be secondary.



Go! Education, GO CTC! ♥

Tuesday evening, CTC got a message from Talespin and DepEd.

Wednesday afternoon, I announced the event and asked who'd be free to perform for the coming weekend.

Thursday, people confirmed their attendance.

Friday, songs were assigned.

Saturday & Sunday, CTC rocked SM Cebu!

What's wrong with this picture?

We weren't able to rehearse.. AT ALL! Haha!

No rehearsals, no problem!

Versatility and passion are just two of CTC's strengths, and I'm just so blessed every single time I get the chance to share the stage with these extraordinary individuals. I am blessed and extremely thankful.

THANK YOU, everyone, for your sacrifices just to be with us in this event.

Aisa of Talespin, the whole Talespin organization and the Department of Education, for believing in us and for giving us the opportunity to be a part of this wonderful event..

Therese, Pot2x, Junrey, Algen, Mikko, Romelyn & Anther, for sacrificing more important things on a Saturday afternoon just to be with us. I truly appreciate your effort to master your songs despite having no time rehearse. You are all, as always, amazing. God bless you, guys..

Gio, for finally saying yes to go on-stage and perform with us. After 24 shows behind the scenes, your long overdue debut as a performer with CTC was just perfect. I hope this is just a preview of things to come for you with CTC. God bless you, TGU..

Te Gayle, Tingge, Master & April, for always finding time whenever I need you, despite your super busy schedules. I truly appreciate your passion for the craft, and the inspiration that you continue to give to me and to everyone in CTC. God bless you..

Baby Insik, Andrew, RJ & Raven, for being with me the whole weekend when you can rather be somewhere else. I appreciate and so impressed with how you've accepted the challenge to learn new songs, new lines, in an instant, and still delivering them perfectly. God bless you..

Atchick, Rica & Marilyn, for the amazing support and patience. Continue to work hard to improve your craft, keep your feet always on the ground, and don't stop believing, for you will also have your time to own the stage on your own in God's time. God bless you..

Danj & Gerald, for the amazing job with the sounds. I truly appreciate how you willingly sacrificed your primary purpose of going there, just to make sure everything in the technical side ran smoothly. God bless you, both..

Tito Jay & Tita Rhoda, for the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious support, most especially for opening your house and your hearts to us. You're the coolest parents that I know, and someday, when I grow up, I want to be just like you! Haha! God bless you..

Dan & Kean, for the instant support when we needed more personnel. God bless you..

Jorem, for always being there to capture these moments perfectly. God bless you..

Tito Danny & Mama Lina, for the amazing support and guidance from the very start. We wouldn't be where we are now if not for you, and we can never thank you enough for that. God bless you..

TePau, for accepting the challenge and for doing all songs perfectly. I'm sorry for your phone. I can so relate with the pain, but just believe that that person needed it more than you do, and something a lot better will come your way. God bless you, TePau..

Valerie, Dib & Con, for volunteering to join despite your fully-booked skeds. I truly appreciate the thought and the concern. God bless you..

The Lord Almighty, for making everything possible. Thank you for making us Your instruments. We will continue doing our best to touch one life at time through these gifts that You gave us. To You be the Glory now and forever..

It was truly an honor to have been a part of the Go! Education caravan. As a parent, as an educator, as a thespian and as a Filipino, it was an experience I will never forget, much more so that I got to go through it with my CTC family.

Yes, it was truly a rollercoaster of a weekend, with TePau losing her phone and me losing my job, but hey, we got to share our gifts with a lot of people, we got a standing ovation on our last day, and hopefully we touched a few lives with our music so, yes, I can again say that life is still so much beautiful.

♥

Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher. ~Oprah

A little girl's wish for Christmas ♥

I found this video on the web and just wanna share it with everyone since it touched my heart, and never fails to make me tear up whenever I watch this ♥

Every time there is LOVE and Christ in our hearts,

it is CHRISTmas for me 

so MERRY CHRISTMAS, everyone! :)

Day 4: About your family.

My family is far from perfect, and a lot of times we disagree on a lot of thing, but at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we can only depend and trust our lives on and with each other. My parents didn't have an easy life, but they did all they can to make sure I won't experience the difficulties that they've encountered. I am very much thankful for that, and I'm now trying my best to make sure my daughter will have a better life than what I had, and here's hoping that she'll never have to experience the hurts that I went through. That's wishful thinking but I will protect her as long as I can.

18. Talk about your extended family. Why do you think they are the way they are?

How far are we extending here? Well, my family's always been unique and diverse. Like my cousins and I, we're alike in so many ways, and we're also so much different. I think this is where nature and nurture come in. Nature, like our genes, made us similar in so many ways, but growing up in different environments and with different individuals, the nurture side, made us different.

I am still in awe of the er.. awesomeness of this circle of life so to speak. So much different yet so much alike. Different people but with kindred souls.

Christmas 2010

Let's not forget what CHRISTmas really is.. ♥

Soul Siblings Part 2

Our family just got bigger.

Joining the Kindred Hearts production allowed me to meet people who didn't only become my friends, they became my new soul siblings. From the get-go, I already felt that certain connection with them, maybe because we are of kindred hearts and of kindred souls.

As a sentimental fool, I've always been very careful not to get attached so easily because strong as I may look, my heart is very vulnerable if I choose to open it. Aside from my family, I have very few friends whom I have opened my heart to. That's also one of the reasons why I am called by many as a loner, shy or even a weirdo. Through the years, I've learned to guard my heart and not let just anyone in.

By accepting my new soul siblings into my life and into our family, I am taking a chance and opening up my heart again. I know that sooner or later, I will again feel pain but I will cross that bridge when I get there. Right now, I am just so happy to have my new soul sisters - Khai Grace, Krizia Gabrielle and KC.

I love them a lot and I hope to be the best big brother that I can be to them.

My family just got bigger - my wife, Loudette, my daughter, Katrina Alyssa, my soul siblings- Kazie, Dan, Khai, KC and Krizia.

Losing family helps us to find our family. Not necessarily the family that is our blood, but the family that may become our blood..

I lost my elder sister and brother, but I was able to find my soul siblings - not the same blood, but of the same soul.

Soul Siblings Part 1

Losing family helps us to find our family. Not necessarily the family that is our blood, but the family that may become our blood.. - Finding Forrester (2000)

God took away my elder sister and brother before I was born so from the moment I was conceived, I was already destined to be alone.

In fairness to my parents, they gave me the care and attention that I needed growing up, but I still felt alone and incomplete. I had no one to talk with and play with. I was on my own. Maybe that was also the reason why I was, and still am so shy. I was sheltered, over-protected. I was loved and I had friends, but I still felt empty. I envied my friends who had siblings who played with them, fought with them and just stayed with them. I wanted my own siblings but it was impossible. My eldest sister, Happy, died while inside my mom's womb. Two years after, my elder brother, Carlo, reached 10 months inside the womb and also died. Two years after my brother's accident, my mom was pregnant with me but she also had Placenta praevia so she had to do a complete bed rest for 9 months or she'll lose me too.

It was impossible but I prayed for God to give me a brother or a sister. Although I never blamed Him for what happened, there were times when I did start to question Him. Why did He take them away? Why did He leave me all alone?

I felt my prayers were answered when I met Kazie and Dan. I felt a connection with them right away, and not long after, they became my soul siblings for we are siblings connected not by blood, but by our souls.

I was not and still am not the best Kuya, but God knows I really tried. I am still trying.

We all got busy with different things and there were a lot of really long instances where we lost touch with each other, but in my heart, I knew that when needed, I will be there for and with them right away.

Fast forward to the present, we're again reunited and trying to catch up on those lost years. I know I have a lot of catching up and making up to do, and I will definitely do it if given the chance.

Making Up

I've been so sick the past 2 weeks that even with the not-so-busy schedule at the office, I didn't have the energy to do anything aside from work. Usually, it's this shift where I catch up on my favorite series or update my blog. As you can see, I haven't been able to really update my blog regularly since rehearsals started for Kindred Hearts.

Speaking of Kindred Hearts, though it was something that I will always cherish and remember, it had one downside: it took me away from my family. It took all of my free time. I am just lucky though that I have the most understanding and supportive family anyone can ever dream of.

I will make it up to them. I promise. 24 hours has never been enough for me ever since, but since there's nothing I can do to extend it, all I can do is to to make the most of my time to make it up to my family. God knows how much I love them, more than my own life.

Goodbye, Kindergarten

My daughter finally said goodbye to pre-school and got the Academic Excellence Award for the 3rd straight year. It was bittersweet attending her graduation because that would probably be the last time she'll see most of her classmates. By the end of summer, she'll already be in Grade 1 in a much bigger school. The same school where I had most of my elementary years, and the same school where my mom finished high school.

My daughter's growing up so fast, it kinda scares me. Grade school is a totally different experience for her, everything will be bigger than her previous pre-school. There will also be a lot of changes for all of us. Her class is now the whole day, which means our time together will be much more limited if I won't go back to having a day-job soon. She's already 7 years old, but to me she's still a baby. Well, I've always told her that no matter what, she will always be her papa's baby.

Hope and Dream

Day 29 of the 30 Day Challenge - Hopes, Dreams and Plans for the next 365 Days

My family and I will hopefully be visiting Hong Kong a couple of months from now to de-stress and get away from the pressures of work for a few days. If I'll be resigning from work before that trip, that means I have to look for another job when we get back. If I'll be allowed to go on that short vacation, then at least I would be able to go back to my job refreshed, and ready again to face the challenges that await me.

Speaking of work, I'm kinda hoping to find a higher paying job either here in the Philippines, or I'll be forced to look for one in another country. Leaving my family to work in a foreign land is something I don't want to do, but something I must do if I want a brighter future for us all. I need to do that so we can continue processing my wife's application for Australia. We started but we stopped since we ran out of funds. What we already paid (a really big amount already) will go to waste if we just go in another direction.

Also, since we've already started our informal rehearsals for our musical, I hope and pray that this will continue and that a few months from now, we may be able to successfully present this production. Even if it's sort of a hobby for us, it also entails a lot of hard work and sacrifices for everyone, but I'm sure it will all be worth it once we're already up there on stage.

I still have a lot of hopes and dreams this year, I will be talking about them in future posts.

A Blur

Day 28 of the 30 Day Challenge - This year, in Great Detail

Looking back since the new year started, it has all been a blur. As I enter the 75th day of 2010, I can say that it has been a rollercoaster ride so far. I've had some Up's and I've had some Down's, things that are keeping me on my toes and reminding me that life is not easy and I shouldn't be complacent.

This year, I've also had a lot of realizations, most especially about people, friends who proved themselves to be called such, as well as so-called friends who really were not. I've realized that being colleagues without being friends is possible. It's not something I want, but something others want.

Again, I can't describe my year in great detail, but I can say that it has been an interesting year so far. I'm happy that for all the things that happened, good or not-so-good, I have my family to go home to. They keep me grounded and remind me that despite what others think or say about me, life is still beautiful and I am still loved. Yes, I am not perfect, my life is not perfect, and my year is no where near perfect, but as long as I have my family and friends, real friends, I wouldn't trade this for anything else.

Typical Week

Day 26 of the 30 Day Challenge - Your Week, in Great Detail

Mondays to Fridays, I am working 9 hours a day. The remaining 15 hours of each day, I make sure to spend with my family, do extra curricular activities and sleep. Before I was just contented with sleeping for an hour or two, but now as I'm getting older, I'm trying my best to get as much rest as I can. My body is willing, but my mind most of the time thinks that sleeping is a waste of time.

During weekends, I try to relax as much as I can to rest from the stress of work. Most of my weekends, I spend it with my family, usually having a DVD marathon. Because I am usually busy during weekdays, I try my very best to make it up to my family during weekends. Sometimes when there are rehearsals or bonding time with friends, I try my best to have it at home so I am still with my family while being with friends.

Gigs are also usually during weekends, but now that there are a lot of changes like churches not allowing any other songs (aside from religious ones) during weddings, my number of gigs have gone way down. There are a few gigs during weekdays, but most happen during weekends. If I have a weekend gig, I go straight home after to relax and be with my family.

Not really in great detail, but that's how my week goes most of the time. Yeah, I know it's boring but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Vote for My Cousin

Please register and cast your votes for my cousin, Jivah Therese,
once a day @ www.eskinol.com.ph

Thank you very much! ♥