Today, my daughter turns 18.
I made this letter a year ago, and I posted this here in my blog on September 24, 2020 scheduling it to be posted on January 6, 2021.
Whether or not I'm still around today as she turns 18, I hope she gets to read this letter.
I love you, Katrina Alyssa!
Dear Katrina,
Today, you turn 18 years old. You have reached a major pinnacle in your life, but it has only just begun. I eagerly wait with anticipation to see what your life has in store for you. Of all the things I am capable of giving you today, I feel my words are the most valuable.
These are exciting times for you.
Finishing high school, going to college, starting a career, moving out on your own..? Paying your own bills, dating, marriage, having kids. The possibilities are endless. But, I’m not going to lie. A lot of times, life is going to get rough. That's for sure.
However, it’s all in how you handle the stress of life that determines whether or not you will succeed. Having a negative attitude towards the stress and being pessimistic will not, I promise you, resolve anything. Taking deep breaths, keeping an optimistic attitude and developing a character that doesn’t quit will take you much further in life than anyone tells you.
I can still remember 18 years ago, on the day that you were born. You were a very beautiful baby who looked like a troll doll. From that moment on, my life evolved around you. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe.
When I look at you, I see my own eyes looking back at me. They are thoughtful, ambitious, spontaneous and quick to find the good in others. I can only hope you learn to find the good in yourself.
People will disappoint you. It’s in our nature. It’s the ones who disappoint you, own up to it, apologize and never do it again that are worth keeping around. At the same time, be careful with whom you choose to associate and don’t be so naïve to believe that you can trust just anyone.
Make others prove their worthiness to be trusted as anyone of sound mind will ask of you.
Be someone people can rely on, but don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of either. Stand up for yourself and for those who cannot stand up for themselves.
Love yourself and don’t allow anyone to make you feel less of a person through their words or actions. You, and you alone, are in control of your emotions and well-being. By allowing someone else to taint your self-worth, you give them power over you.
Choose your battles. Life is too short to be arguing with someone all the time about everything. This goes for friends and family as well as any future romantic relationships.
Be empathetic and put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and try to see things from their perspective.
A smile at the right time will always go a long way.
When you find the love of your life and eventually get married, …
I’ll skip that part and reserve it for your wedding day..
40 years and 2 days from now.
Speaking of love, don't settle. Marry that special person, and he should make you laugh. Whatever you do, don’t allow him to place you on a pedestal to be worshipped, because when valuables fall, they break. Make sure he sees you as an equal and is willing to walk beside you and not force you to walk behind him nor in front of him.
If it feels wrong, don’t do it. If you know it’s wrong, don’t go along with it.
Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Yes, you’re now officially an adult, but that definition goes far beyond just being a number. Being an adult means being responsible with all aspects of your life. There is plenty of time to move out and live on your own. Other than your current job after school, your only other job for the next few years should be discovering who you are as a person, going to school, and learning from the mistakes of the adults around you - your mama and I included. There are many of us who came before you that have made plenty of mistakes. Don’t make the same ones just because you want to be treated as an adult.
Think long-term and not short-term. The mistakes you make now can haunt you forever. You don’t want to live with that kind of guilt.
Ask for advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness… instead, it is a sign of maturity that shows you know the depth of your limitations.
If someone gives you constructive criticism, don’t assume they’re being critical. Take it for what it is and smile. It may be the best advice you ever receive.
Above all else, remember that you are loved.
Though having birthday parties has never been a thing in our family, we are celebrating today because today is a huge milestone in your life. You may not have a big extended family to celebrate with you, but you can be assured that right now, you are surrounded by people who would each give their own lives to protect you and keep you safe. None of us want to see you fall, fail or get hurt. Your family is forever with you.
Follow your dreams. Never give up on something you desperately want. Ever.
Don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made in my life.
You are my first-born. You are my only daughter.
You are my love and all things good in my heart. When you hurt, I hurt. When you have joy, I have joy.
Happy birthday, baby.
Your mama and I.
We love you forever.
