Turning 30

Like in the previous years, yesterday was just an ordinary working day. Yes, I also turned 30 years old yesterday. The last time I really celebrated my birthday was when I turned 18. My aunts and uncles donated a few dollars just so I would be able to celebrate that birthday with my college friends then. After that, my next birthdays were just ordinary school or working days.

Yesterday, it was supposed to be that way when my sis, Khai, organized something I will never forget: my first every surprise. It was not a party, but Khai and most of our Kindred Hearts family surprised me with 2 birthday cakes. It was simple but it was very meaningful for someone like me. I'm the type of guy who likes to do little things for the people I love, much that I also appreciate those little things done to me. I'm the guy who works behind the scenes in most surprise parties, always forgotten and unappreciated, but hey someone's gotta take care of the music, right?

As of my last count, I had 295 greetings through text, Facebook, Twitter, and in person. I can't thank everyone enough for remembering. Sure, Facebook reminds people, but hey, at least they went out of their way to go to my wall and post something. I really appreciate that.

If life begins at 30, then these guys made the first day of the rest of my life extra special.

Tears

There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief,
of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

- Washington Irving

Loner

Let me tell you this:

If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.

- Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper)

45 Lessons

This was forwarded to me by email. It makes sense that's why I'd like to share it. :)


Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come..
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Insensitive II

I never thought that my previous post about my disappointment would have a sequel. *sigh*

I thought everything would be okay after the producer decided to pass the Glee project to someone else. He first tried to pass it on to me, but after getting hurt, I declined and told him I'd rather spend my time with my family (which I did). The one who got the lead on the project, a close friend of Kaz, asked me to join. Trusting her, I said I will offer my slot to a friend, a member of the Kindred Hearts ensemble, and if she says yes, I will be supporting them all the way. If she'll say no, then I will join them as a performer.

The person I offered my slot to is my favorite dancer, Anne. She joined Kindred Hearts just 4 days before the show, and mastered all the dances right away. She's also into theatre and is a good singer, so I thought she's a perfect fit to join the Glee thingie.

Everyday, I was making sure with the project lead that the slot for my friend was still available, and I assured her that she will not be disappointed whatever complexities and no matter how far they've gone with rehearsing since Anne is just an amazing talent.

Yesterday, PL (Project Lead) texted me that she's at the mall and wanted to talk to me. As a concerned friend and supporter, I went there. I again was shocked when she told me right there and then that she no longer has a slot for my friend, and a lot of other crap that I wasn't able to hear anymore because my world crashed yet again. Here I was, always making sure they're okay and assuring them of my support and of my friend's talent and dedication, and at the same time, keeping in constant touch with Anne who was still at her home province, assuring her that I will give up my slot for her because I simply believe that she's perfect for something like this.

This started as a really bad day, and ended worse. I don't really know if people are just so insensitive, or they just don't care. Or are those 2 the same? I know no one's perfect, I for one, the most imperfect creature here on Earth, but at least I know that when I give my word, I really mean it. It doesn't take much effort to mean what you say, and say what you mean.

It's funny how people really go out of their way to show that they care kuno, when their body language unconsciously says otherwise.

Hay, I hope they'll do well in the contest. Anne would have been a major, major help to them, yet she wasn't given a chance. I don't know how to tell Anne. I am already in awe of her presence as someone I truly admire and love, now I don't have a face to tell her that she's out. I'm out. We're both out. It doesn't seem to be a big deal to them but it is to me because I'm the type of person who's willing to give up even my own life just to keep my word.

Yes, my word is my oath. This is who I am.

Broken

In my years of performing, I've always had 3 dream roles and I just noticed recently that maybe I love those roles because like me, they're so imperfect, broken, full of melancholy and angst. Jean Valjean from Les Miserables, Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. I am like them in so many ways, that if you combine all 3, you'll get ME.

Window of the Heart

One of Shin Shin's songs that wasn't released but included in her I Care album is Window of the Heart, a duet with Mark Bautista. It's a very beautiful song that I think should have been released by Viva. Oh well, there's nothing we can do now about it.

Where do I begin I’m still looking for a way

To tell you how I feel and there’s so much to say

When you look at me I can tell you want to know

If my heart is for real and here to stay

Countless moments I’ve tried to find you

I keep telling myself, to remind me that it’s true

If you wanna know my love, from end to the very start

You can see me through the window of the heart

Chorus:

Just let me know I’m everything to you

You changed my world from all that I knew

If you’re looking for the truth, I know where you can start

You can see me through the window of the heart

Stop where you are, just look into my eyes

You can see where I live, and how I live for you

You light the spark that brings a flame to the core

From my waking hour, it’s in all that I do

Chorus:

Just let me know I’m everything to you

You changed my world from all that I knew

If you’re looking for the truth, I know where you can start

You can see me through the window of the heart

I wanna dream, I wanna to live it everyday

With a love that never stops inside

And fills my life in every way

I would never ask of you,

What I’m not so willing to give

Cause to be without you in my life,

Well that’s just no way to live

Chorus: (2x)

Just let me know I’m everything to you

You changed my world from all that I knew

If you’re looking for the truth, I know where you can start

You can see me through the window of the heart

Always

ALWAYS my forever, you will be

Like words that rhyme, in poetry

The music we make, with each kiss

Every chance I get, I never miss

To hold you I've told you, is a dream

A dream more beautiful, than it seems

For in my heart, no matter what I do

Through good days and bad,

I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU ♥

First Look at Cap

Forget the Human Torch, here's a first look at Chris Evans as Steve Rogers

aka Captain America, the First Avenger.

Outside Looking In

It's funny when you find yourself

Lookin' from the outside

I'm standing here but all I want

Is to be over there

Why did I let myself believe

Miracles could happen

Cause now I have to pretend

That I don't really care..

Those lines from the song, When there was Me and You from High School Musical sums up my present feelings, at least with the people from Kindred Hearts. Maybe because I'm a boring person, someone that's invisible, I'm out of the loop with regards their activities and gigs. I don't want to be a special someone where everyone will be telling me their whereabouts, but I do get "lost" general messages that they had a great time, and stuff, which means they all knew about the activities of the group.

Is this a sign that I'm not really welcome? I've never had any pretensions ever since, and I've always showed who and what I am. Now if that's a bad thing, then let it be. At least I don't regret being myself with them. If they think I'm too old (29's old?) or too boring to be with them, then I can't do anything about that. I am who I am, what you see is what you get.

Yes, I am on the outside looking in.. but if they don't want me to be in there, I won't force myself. I have a life to live, boring it may be to a lot of people, it still is a life I have to live for the sake of my family, my wife, daughter, my soul siblings. At least they've accepted me for what and who I am.